To hell in a bucket: At least we enjoyed the ride.

The thing I find most interesting in the chaos that is the United States economy, is the steadfast certainty of Liberal and Conservative pundits about what direction the country should go in. If you lean toward the Democrats then you want to let bygones be bygones and get on with the "new" way of doing things. If you lean Conservative then you want nothing short of a new President. Pundits on both sides of the aisle provide templates for economic success which just appear to the rest of us as more of the same old blather.



While I can understand the desire to have certain questions answered: "What happened?" and "Where do we go from here?" I think we can do a little better than that. The least all of us could do is own up to two things: First, we all share blame, albeit in varying degrees, for what has happened to our economy. Secondly, let's face it, no one knows what to do or what will truly work. As the most powerful economists will tell you, no one really knows how our economy is working; not the President, not the Congress, not the SEC Chairman, not the Office of Management and Budget, not even the economists who spend their entire careers studying our economy. No one really knows how much our real debt is. No one really knows what are actual revenue is. It's a numbers game pure and simple. But this should not surprise anyone. It is what our country was built on.

Our economy has always been a seemingly strange one that has born boom and bust cycles. Recessions after the Revolution, in the 1830's, 1870's, 1890's, early 1900's, 1930's, 1970's, late 1980's into early 1990's and in 2001 have all been followed by recovery and boom bubbles. However, far from being unusual, this is a perfectly normal cycle for a nation built on con-games. We have willingly put our economy (budget) at the mercy of people who are larcenists. A con artist doesn't take advantage of you, he takes advantage of your trust, hope and optimism. Think of our country as a large fairgrounds where there are consumers, vendors and game/ride owners. If you can understand the world of the carny, you can begin to understand our economy. Sadly, few people who took advantage of us broke the law. We all just chose to ignore the possible consequences of our actions because we were having too much "fun at the fair."

At the end of the day it does start with each individual. While there are many good people at all levels of our society, knowing that Capitalism has become the equivalent of a huge binge party where a few greedy people have set up shop to take advantage of us is the first step to economic "recovery." Simply put, you (we) can no longer afford to be trusting. Follow the basic principles of managing yourself and we will ultimately make this country better than what it has been.

I Blew Myself Up: It's been one year

I am taking a break from the narrative story of my accident to give this one year anniversary update.

I blew myself up in two seconds on March 23rd 2008. It was a very strange time for me and I had spent the previous 365 days struggling with most aspects of my life. Several times that year I was on the verge of nervous breakdowns. I had challenges making decisions and healthy choices. I was challenged by my ego and my lust for over stimulation. I was challenged by my perceptions of relationships and friendships and by my sense of self-worth.

Though I made many mistakes, I made 3 very good decisions that year. One was to sever an intimate relationship with a girlfriend who deserved more than I could offer at that time. Another decision was to sever a friendship with  my band-mate of 15 years. The third decision was to leave an upwardly mobile job in order to simplify my life and refocus on figuring out what is important to me. Once all three decisions had been made, on March 23rd, 2008, I blew myself up.

Interestingly enough, in the Hindu religion (though I am not Hindu), there are 7 primary Chakras or "energy" locations on the body. Each Chakra has an associated set of motivational behaviors. The 3rd Chakra of the body is located in the naval section and corresponds to the human motivations of desire, ego, and struggle to make life better. The 4th Chakra is located in the heart section and corresponds to the human motivation to achieve balance. The fact that the bodily damage from my accident was centered from my navel to my heart (where I now have newly grafted skin) and came at a time when I was struggling with the human motivations corresponding to these Chakras is...well... interesting.

I am happy to be alive with all my faculties and organs in place. I have always had a knack for losing just enough to show me what I have. Everyone should be so lucky.

The Wind and Rain

I walk through the valley of the Thunder Gods
near the foothills of the Catskills
Oh don't you know that I made my lodge
on the banks of the Catskill Creek.

Whoa ho, the wind and the rain
I wash my soul in the wind and the rain
Whoa ho, the wind and the rain
turn, turn, turn to the wind and the rain

I'm walking on the path for I don't know how
and I smudge my flesh with a sage stick
I wade into the fire up at Harry Brown's farm
and then I pray to the wind and the rain

Whoa ho, the wind and the rain
I wash my soul in the wind and the rain
Whoa ho, the wind and the rain
turn, turn, turn to the wind and the rain

The unbearable lightness
of being just who you are
And we're falling through darkness
dancing under the night stars

Whoa ho, the wind and the rain
I wash my soul in the wind and the rain
Whoa ho, the wind and the rain
turn, turn, turn to the wind and the rain

Oh my friend if only you knew
the things that I wanted for though and thee
The time for us has come and gone
given to the wind and the rain

I Blew Myself Up In 2 Seconds: Holy Helicopters

We reach the Freehold airport in 10 minutes. Meanwhile I am injected with some sort of pain medication which, like a rolling pin on dough, kneads out my pins and needles. I am still throbbing and burning but now it is acceptable. The pain and I will live together as long as the medication maintains it's current approach with me.

I am lifted out of the Ambulance. I keep my eyes closed because I can see trails and surreal designs under my eyelids from a combination of the sun, the juice and the spinning of the helicopter blades. And then I am hoisted into the helicopter and it prepares to depart.

This sucks. I'm in a helicopter and I can't see out any windows. I am strapped thoroughly into the "stretcher of life" or whatever it's called. The EMT on the copter, true to policy, asks for insurance information.

"I'll tell you if you give me some more medication."

"I can't give you more medication until you tell me."

"What if I don't have any insurance."

"Then you have two choices. You can suffer or we can throw you out the door."

I trade my insurance information for another fix as the EMT's, apparently not having much to do, start talking about something irrelevant to me. This really pisses me off as I have just blown myself up and would like a little more sympathy.

We land at Westchester Medical Center and I am rolled into what looks like a large airplane hanger. I wonder about my job.

(In the next episode, learn about the Hospital Minister and my mother's first reaction to seeing me).

Revolting Thoughts

1. Any revolt must take into consideration trucks and trains. Buy a CB and learn the lingo. 

2. The western Left has always made a terrible mistake by assuming that you need to model yourself after a diversity of people that may be very unlike you. Not correct. You must be who you are to the best and learn whatever you can about others, shedding your own baggage and helping them shed theirs.

3. Know the terrain around you.

4. There is no need to break any law for immoral reasons. Any law that should be broken MUST be broken because it is the right thing and moral. Poor economic conditions will only continue to make certain current legal obligations immoral.

Morning Dew

It was late in the evening and the people were tired, nearly exhausted. And then came the sound. Can you imagine the roar of the spectators in the Coliseum, Rome, 500BC? This was the modern equivalent. And the familiarity of this particular sound, low to high, pushing away all thoughts except one. And this one thought was unique in everyone who heard It and yet It joined them.

The applause. It was steeped in the light fog of dawn which began to open on the wide expanse of daylight across the land. The people applauded not for American Idols but for the gift of something new: Hope, amidst the culture of cynicism. Out of the thunderous applause came a spiraling and winding down of human emotion as the people settled into their thought. A light timber echoed gently off the air and you noticed the human next to you subtly swaying to the sound. It was nearly silent except for that and the interval hush of jingling bells and whispers of air caused by human movement.

"Walk me out in the morning dew my honey."
"Walk me out in the morning dew today."
"I cannot walk you out in the morning dew my honey."
"I cannot walk you out in the morning dew today."

And there, in the Coliseum, everyone met. The people knew that they were safe. These moments were saved. They could never be removed and they brought everything and everyone closer to the time when it wouldn't matter anyway.

A woman touched me gently on the shoulder and then moved on.
Somewhere a young man moaned.
Somewhere a baby cried.