I Blew Myself Up- The Bird Bath

With the surgery grafting skin from my leg to my abdomen and arm completed, I settled into a little routine. Breakfast was around 9am. then try to go to the bathroom. Then someone would come by to clean the room, and then lunch. After lunch was bathing time. This was both humiliating and humbling.

A nurse comes and walks me to the unit bathroom; a large bathroom that consisted of a shower that you could get a wheelchair in. I'm too out of it to really care and I know there's no possibility of embarrassing myself yet I do wonder if she's going to look down there. I mean I know it's not like she hasn't seen these things obviously, but it is causing me anxiety. Anyway, I hobble into the bathroom leaning on the nurse for support. She sets me on a bench right by the shower and then while the she makes busy getting a wash cloth and towel she tells me to undress.  I had been wondering how bathing was going to work. Did I get a bath or a shower? Did I take my gown all the way off or just wash with it on? Was I going to be able to wash myself or would she wash me? What parts get washed? Well, no time to figure it out, I just whip off the gown and sit there dumbly.

The nurse comes over and hands me the washcloth and soap and leans in to turn on the water which comes flowing out a shower hose. "You gonna tell me how to do this?" I ask. She doesn't seem to know what I mean at first but quickly realizes and then chuckles and says I can get everything wet but try to avoid getting the bandages wet on my abdomen and arm (where the grafted skin is). Then she asks if I want help taking off the bandages on my leg. I didn't even think they could come off. They're blood-stained and somewhat hardened. I just sit there in a stupor and I can't figure out if I want her to help me as that means she will have to be right around my not so private area, but then again, I'm afraid to touch the bandages myself. The nurse senses my indecision and begins to unwrap the leg bandage but it sticks to whatever is below the layer of skin they took off. So, she grabs the hose and runs water over it to help loosen it up and before you know it I'm staring at this dark purple, blood red swath of leg from my knee to hip. Now the pain.

Each trickle of water creates a searing burning and I start to half moan half cry. This startles the nurse who immeadiately begins encouraging me and sympathizing. At this point nothing really matters to me anymore. My sole focus is to participate in each task necessary to get to the point where the pain stops. Thus, we run water over the leg, remove the bandages, soap the washcloth, run it lightly over the wounds, rinse the soap away and we're done. Somewhere in there the rest of my body gets washed and I am then left with a towel and a new gown. Washing myself will be like this for the next 4 weeks.